At the start of the year, i want to take the time to thank all my friends and other people who have forwarded numerous chain letters to me this year. i appreciate all your kindness and concern and will now take a moment to ponder on the profound effect it has had on my life ...
i stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
i have a very low self-esteem after taking all those psychology, intelligence and love tests only to know that i am a raving lunatic with an IQ no better than a baboon with no chance in hell of any romance.
i smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
Speaking of cancer, i have stopped using medication altogether since it was brought to my attention that that dangerous drugs like D cold, Action 500 and other unpronounceable drugs that have been banned globally yet are freely available in India.
i also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then i get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.
i also stopped drinking water outside for fear that i will get sick from the rat shit and urine.
When i go to parties, i don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
i also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl who was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. The poor girl has been 7 years old since 1993 and apparently has had enough money to undergo many plastic surgeries to change her appearance.
My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland inspite of following all instruction to the letter.
Unfortunately, Orkut is not in the least bothered to delete my account inspite of me ignoring the millions of warnings saying "Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..."
i made some hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, GaneshVandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!
NOTE: If you do not comment on this post and get at least 13 people also to do so in the next 10 seconds, a bird will shit on your head today at 10:30 p .m.!!
So Close, No Matter How Far
We live in the so called “jet age.” Here a place is a plane ticket away, any object we desire is just a card swipe away; people are just a push of a button away. It seems money has demolished physical distances and built up emotional ones.
The more the means of means to communicate have multiplied, the more the reasons to communicate have gone, or seem less important. The blame for being out of touch has shifted from the mail-man to the service providers – Hutch, Airtel and whatnot.
Remember those days (or at least as you saw in the old black and white films) where a mailman’s visit was as awaited as Santa Claus.
Just a few years ago, in school perhaps, we used to use the landlines to call up friends with whom we, possibly, had just spent the whole day with. There was always some reason – a new titbit to give, gossip to catch up on etc.
In college, it was e-mail and Yahoo and MSN. And we sent cards, letters, and small useless mails just to keep in touch. Wasn’t that the sign-offline most of you used – “Keep in touch…” The landlines had taken a back seat.
Then, of course, communication came to our pockets in the form of cell phones – the world was never any smaller. And the mails and insta-messaging became more of a pastime.
And now, the online communities spread like wildfire burning up our need for the landline, the mails, the IMs, and sometimes even the cell phone. Our world is Orkut.
When we have all the simple ways and means to stay in touch, how much do we actually bother? We always find reasons not to get in touch with someone. Sure we have them on our contacts, have added them as friends, put them in our address books and all over the place, but more often than not they are just a measure of your popularity.
There seem to be a lack very pressing enough reason to talk to friends. When was the last time you called your best bud from college? Those titbits and bits of gossip are not important enough anymore. Are they?
The more the means of means to communicate have multiplied, the more the reasons to communicate have gone, or seem less important. The blame for being out of touch has shifted from the mail-man to the service providers – Hutch, Airtel and whatnot.
Remember those days (or at least as you saw in the old black and white films) where a mailman’s visit was as awaited as Santa Claus.
Just a few years ago, in school perhaps, we used to use the landlines to call up friends with whom we, possibly, had just spent the whole day with. There was always some reason – a new titbit to give, gossip to catch up on etc.
In college, it was e-mail and Yahoo and MSN. And we sent cards, letters, and small useless mails just to keep in touch. Wasn’t that the sign-offline most of you used – “Keep in touch…” The landlines had taken a back seat.
Then, of course, communication came to our pockets in the form of cell phones – the world was never any smaller. And the mails and insta-messaging became more of a pastime.
And now, the online communities spread like wildfire burning up our need for the landline, the mails, the IMs, and sometimes even the cell phone. Our world is Orkut.
When we have all the simple ways and means to stay in touch, how much do we actually bother? We always find reasons not to get in touch with someone. Sure we have them on our contacts, have added them as friends, put them in our address books and all over the place, but more often than not they are just a measure of your popularity.
There seem to be a lack very pressing enough reason to talk to friends. When was the last time you called your best bud from college? Those titbits and bits of gossip are not important enough anymore. Are they?
Dear Me In The Future
Dear me in the future,
How are you? How is it there? I don't quite know when you will get this letter. But i hope that the journey to wherever you are now was good. Kind of gets me starting to think of all the sights and sounds that you must have seen. On this final August night, i cant help but think of all the things i want to do, places i want to go, things i want to achieve before i get this letter.
Did you do all of that? i don't think so. After all what did i want to do except live my life carefree and happy? And as for places to go - i always wanted to be there for whenever my friends or family needed me. And the one thing i want more than anything else is just my peace of mind.
And if you have one iota of common sense, you would not have wasted time doing all these things. i know you would have a fabulous job, great house in the city, a car even maybe by now - that should have satisfied me. You would have travelled to tons of places, seen the world - that should satisfy my wanderlust. All the have money and respect you have earned by now should give me my peace of mind.
For all of what you might have, in a world where nothing ever stays the same you are probably left with the only thing that you cannot change - your past. Me!
Sorry if i disappointed you in any way. i don't know how you have lived your life till whenever you are, but as i now read the letter to me from my past, i cant stop the tears as i see the simple things that i had once wanted. Somewhere down the line i went astray. i still don't have that awesome collection of comics, haven't visited the people i love most in this world -my grandparents- in years and worst of all, again have not kept my promise that i wouldn't ever have to write a letter to warn me against who i have become. And now its too late.
Anyway, future me, all i can do is wish i never write this letter again.
Stay well,
Me
How are you? How is it there? I don't quite know when you will get this letter. But i hope that the journey to wherever you are now was good. Kind of gets me starting to think of all the sights and sounds that you must have seen. On this final August night, i cant help but think of all the things i want to do, places i want to go, things i want to achieve before i get this letter.
Did you do all of that? i don't think so. After all what did i want to do except live my life carefree and happy? And as for places to go - i always wanted to be there for whenever my friends or family needed me. And the one thing i want more than anything else is just my peace of mind.
And if you have one iota of common sense, you would not have wasted time doing all these things. i know you would have a fabulous job, great house in the city, a car even maybe by now - that should have satisfied me. You would have travelled to tons of places, seen the world - that should satisfy my wanderlust. All the have money and respect you have earned by now should give me my peace of mind.
For all of what you might have, in a world where nothing ever stays the same you are probably left with the only thing that you cannot change - your past. Me!
Sorry if i disappointed you in any way. i don't know how you have lived your life till whenever you are, but as i now read the letter to me from my past, i cant stop the tears as i see the simple things that i had once wanted. Somewhere down the line i went astray. i still don't have that awesome collection of comics, haven't visited the people i love most in this world -my grandparents- in years and worst of all, again have not kept my promise that i wouldn't ever have to write a letter to warn me against who i have become. And now its too late.
Anyway, future me, all i can do is wish i never write this letter again.
Stay well,
Me
An Affair to Remember
i have an affair ... its secret ... but never mind, she knows and i know and that is all that matters.
she is blind ... but never mind, she speaks and sings most exquisitely in so many different tones .
she has expensive tates ... but never mind, the sweet nothings she whispers in my ear are worth it.
she insists on coming eveywhere with me ... but never mind, that increases the intimacy.
she's not from India ... but never mind, love is blind to colors and cultures.
she disturbs me in the night ... but never mind, that's the best part.
she has so much in her ... but never mind, i just love exploring.
she has so many buttons ... but never mind, that only makes things easy.
she keeps my hands busy ... but never mind, i just love doing that.
she is blind ... but never mind, she speaks and sings most exquisitely in so many different tones .
she has expensive tates ... but never mind, the sweet nothings she whispers in my ear are worth it.
she insists on coming eveywhere with me ... but never mind, that increases the intimacy.
she's not from India ... but never mind, love is blind to colors and cultures.
she disturbs me in the night ... but never mind, that's the best part.
she has so much in her ... but never mind, i just love exploring.
she has so many buttons ... but never mind, that only makes things easy.
she keeps my hands busy ... but never mind, i just love doing that.
ThoughtCrime
He was locked up deep in a cellar and the key was thrown away.
He had screamed and shouted his innocence in court. No-one listened. He was being punished for a crime he never committed. Sure, he had thought about it. But he never acted on it.
In my books, that is the crime. But that was not why he was punished.
It was close to seven years now. For seven years, he was locked up in that dark and dingy cell. He saw others come and go. They never stayed long. Most were released on parole. The luckier ones were set free on bail and almost never turned up again.
"Who gave one man the right to be my judge, jury and executioner?" His prison echoed with his plaintiff cries.
He scratched and clawed on the walls, desperate to somehow leave his mark in this world. He wanted others to read his story, to know his plight. He did not want to die an anonymity.If he had a second chance ... what would he do? ... what could he do? His life flashed before his eyes so often. It was a story of chances thrown. He realised that nothings free, and certainly not freedom. He longed for what used to be ... For seven years he stared beyond his prison without seeing anything. In his minds eye, he saw the world changing, evolving, moving without him. Everything had changed. He would not. He could not accept a compromise. In the end, he decided to stay locked up.
So, one day, he lay down and got up no more. While the world dreamed on ...
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