You've Got Spam

I find it simply amazing how much my spam account knows about me – and I’m not talking trivia here. It’s personal stuff – bed room stuff even. It almost seems like I’m the most well-known, or rather most well-known-about person in cyberspace judging from the mails I get.

It started with a suggestively named female blondebitchsuck telling me that I owe her lunch “for this one.” I confess it piqued my curiosity and I wanted to know what I owe her lunch for then realized it was pretty obvious.

Then I got a mail from Rodriquez. I was tempted to open this one since my family on my mother’s side is named Rodrigues. I thought perhaps someone misspelled their name. And it seemed innocuous enough since it said “All w.e. can do is report_t he_findings.” I thought it must be some old forgotten relative who was talking about some ancestral property with me standing to gain a fortune.

The next mail cleared all doubts about the findings.

“what a stupid face you have here sa5ioh,” Des ganpath announced. That was one finding that was not needed to be made known – true or not.

Then along came a mail from Melany that cheered me up. “These girlies are waiting for you,” she declared. I had no clue which girlies but since my ‘stupid face’ was pretty well publicized by now, any girlie who was waiting for me was fine by me. I was not going to be picky. On top of that “Are you an Alpha Male?” Trimmel challenged.

Hell Yeah! Bring it on I said.

Then came the caveat – I found out that a stupid face was the least of my problems. There existed a serious chance that my lineage would end with me; that I would be the last of my kin; that my family tree was going to be uprooted because of my stump.

Luckily I was not the only one concerned. A lot of concern was floating around in cyberspace also. I got a lot of mails sympathizing with me and advising me what to do.

sm wrote, “I hope this will help you solve all problems with health!”
Levitar Vaigra helpfully said, “sa5ioh’s – we can ship your medication overnight FREE.”
“3 month supply of better intimate life is waiting for you” said Benedettasei sounding more hopeful than I felt. But that cheered me up.

The best mail was from holzmeister who solemnly promised, “You wont disappoint ehr this night.”

No further questions – that was the mail I was searching for.

5 comments:

Moturam's Ahalya said...

Dear Sa5ioh,
I was similarly amazed at the candid admissions and frank appraisals of my.. ahem.. prowess or lack of it. But what really touched me (metaphorically) was this brave statement, a call for respect even! ---: I do not need girls to pity me, i will be a changed man with this new supplement (link to some supplement)
Now, isn't that cute!? I can just imagine a Forrest Gump kinda chap standing up for himself, or standing... whichever, whatever.. nice nice, what a beautiful world!

Piya said...

As for me, Luckily or unluckily, "They" havent been able to decipher my sex.and ofcourse,thus theuy pity me saying,Are you tuckered out of your male incompetence? Change it immediately!" not that i want to change, but of course, according to them, "The hottest femmes will long for you!"(me, i mean) if only, i take the Super Suggestion(that was th esubject of the mail) , regarding.."Find out how the pill can improve your sex life, safe and effective "

and for anyone who wishes to know, as i was made to know too..."The ultimate screwing machine has arrived with longer and wider dimensions. http://www.tapolaie.com/"

Ghetufool said...

ha ha. very nice execution, i must say.

beat this, "ashamed? i told you not to!" -- my favourite one that somehow i could not delete.

Sayantani said...

hahahaha! great one ace! sometimes i'm so amused by the content/ingenuity of my spam mails that i can't help wonder if these spammers would make great story tellers...erm...even if the stories are erm you know uh i mean...:D

Shuv said...

dude..never take these lightly though...who knows what u may find in one of them..