A joke I read some time back was: Who left 6-pack Shah Rukh and 8-pack Aamir in the dust?
Ans: A 10-pack Ramadoss.
It's been 4 months since the ban on smoking in public places. So what did the ban achieve? Let’s do a ten count, shall we?
1 – Attached Gandhi’s name to tobacco. So years down the line, a ‘This Day That Year’ column will read – Gandhi born, Smoking banned.
2 – Ensured that the names Anbumani and Ramadoss would die with him. No sane parent of our generation would ever name their kid that. You don’t find little Satans and Hitlers running around, do you?
3 – Caused bars to lose revenue. No, I don’t mean because of a lower footfall, but due to smart alecks who step outside after a few drinks on the pretext of a smoke and then vanish even before the wisp of smoke fades away.
4 – Getting policemen to be lax. Not that they were the epitome of alertness in the first place, but now with the hordes of people haunting the gates of buildings, now they are content to rock themselves to sleep on their paunches.
5 – Vindicated weathermen … or so it seems. Weathermen, famous for getting a prediction on their own spittle wrong, now boldly announce ‘tomorrow there will be a lot of smog’ and then … smoke, fog same thing.
6 – Population control. With smokers chasing pavements, pedestrians naturally avoid the ‘fog’ (weathermen are to be blamed here) and go on the roads. And the cars and trucks happily play target practice.
7 – Made dogs insomniacs. Pavement smoking leads to coffee-cups being dumped on streets and strays happily lap up the remaining drop. A few 20-30 such cups through the day turbo-charges them for the night. And god knows what horrors graveyard shifters are subject to by these werewolves, especially in Bangalore.
8 – Led to the ruination of about 0.1 percent of the Amazon forests. Every pub, bar, office, restaurant, mall, and hitherto smoker-friendly zones has huge “NO SMOKING” signs…about 10 every 2 inches.
9 - Free Cigarette Advertising. It beats me why tobacco companies are banned from advertising. Cigarette packets that were till now sent to dustbins now litter the pavements. The eyeballs that the millions of packets get on the road are much more than even the most famous ad. So no wonder the number of surrogate ads are dying.
10 – Laid to rest the smokers anthem. On the last day before the ban, a popular Bangalore pub announced that that would be the last time they played ‘Sutta Na Mila’ by The Zeest. And just like that a cult song lost its meaning.
Oops! my packet is over. I'm off to get another one.
Satyam Shivam Sumdaram
That apparently means "Truth is God and God is beautiful"
As of this week, one down, two to go.
Is it really surprising that ‘truth’ has fallen? After all it is only everyday that someone somewhere is cooking up a story to feed you.
Let's start the examples with our beloved politicians - enough said.
The government lies – there is no such thing as tax-free.
Your vegetable vendor lies – yes potatoes are cheaper elsewhere.
Weathermen – I once met one who was caught in the rain.
Horoscopes – else Bejan Daruwala would be heading the Planning Commission.
Advertisements lie – all the axe in the world won’t help some people.
Your boss lies – you deserved that promotion or hike ages ago
The kaamwali bai lies - one person can have that many relatives who keep dying/falling sick.
Your friends lie – they were free last weekend.
You get the picture. Add as you see fit.
We have even invented different sorts of lies to accord various degree of evil. So a white lie is acceptable, a noble lie is something politicians lay claim to, a jocose lie is something I am subjecting you to right now. Key in 'LIE' in Wikipedia if you don’t believe me.
Our language is also suited to fuddle meanings. Sample the conundrum in this sentence in any language you know: "This sentence is false."
Gandhi introduced us to the principles of ahimsa and truth. That was over 60 years ago. It’s time for them to retire and make way for new credos. ‘See no truth, hear no truth, speak no truth’ or simply, make like Lady Justice, tie a blindfold and pretend to ‘see the truth.’
Today there is no vendor of truth in India. Of course, there are no buyers either.
And that my friends, is the Truth.
Satyamev Jayte.
As of this week, one down, two to go.
Is it really surprising that ‘truth’ has fallen? After all it is only everyday that someone somewhere is cooking up a story to feed you.
Let's start the examples with our beloved politicians - enough said.
The government lies – there is no such thing as tax-free.
Your vegetable vendor lies – yes potatoes are cheaper elsewhere.
Weathermen – I once met one who was caught in the rain.
Horoscopes – else Bejan Daruwala would be heading the Planning Commission.
Advertisements lie – all the axe in the world won’t help some people.
Your boss lies – you deserved that promotion or hike ages ago
The kaamwali bai lies - one person can have that many relatives who keep dying/falling sick.
Your friends lie – they were free last weekend.
You get the picture. Add as you see fit.
We have even invented different sorts of lies to accord various degree of evil. So a white lie is acceptable, a noble lie is something politicians lay claim to, a jocose lie is something I am subjecting you to right now. Key in 'LIE' in Wikipedia if you don’t believe me.
Our language is also suited to fuddle meanings. Sample the conundrum in this sentence in any language you know: "This sentence is false."
Gandhi introduced us to the principles of ahimsa and truth. That was over 60 years ago. It’s time for them to retire and make way for new credos. ‘See no truth, hear no truth, speak no truth’ or simply, make like Lady Justice, tie a blindfold and pretend to ‘see the truth.’
Today there is no vendor of truth in India. Of course, there are no buyers either.
And that my friends, is the Truth.
Satyamev Jayte.
This year some of the things …
That I will dread are …
My birthday
This year like any other I become a year older clocking in at 27 and the dream of “18 till I die” becomes almost a decade old.
My family
This year, when I holiday at home, the rheotoric of why aren’t you saving more, you are still so thin, why don’t you call, marriage, visiting aunties and uncles etc will make me wish I had planned a shorter holiday.
My job
This year at the time I get my annual hike, phrases like cost cutting, recession, credit crisis will translate into a lousy hike.
My country
This year I know that yet again terrorism, vote-bank politics and financial fiascos will dominate everything else and make me less proud of my country.
My friends
This year I will lose touch with a few more friends as different strings will pull them away from me.
That I look forward to are ….
My birthday
This year like any other I become a year older clocking in at 27 and I am guiltily thankful for that after a year when terrorists visited almost every part of the country.
My family
This year, when I holiday at home, the rheotoric of why aren’t you saving more, you are still so thin, why don’t you call, marriage, visiting aunties and uncles etc will tell me that no matter what, they will always care.
My job
This year at the time I get my annual hike, phrases like cost cutting, recession, credit crisis will translate into lucky to still have a job.
My country
This year I know that despite terrorism, vote-bank politics and financial fiascos the ‘aam aadmis’ voice is growing louder as people rally under the tricolor.
My friends
This year despite losing touch with a few more friends as different strings will pull them away from me, some of them keep in touch via this blog.
My birthday
This year like any other I become a year older clocking in at 27 and the dream of “18 till I die” becomes almost a decade old.
My family
This year, when I holiday at home, the rheotoric of why aren’t you saving more, you are still so thin, why don’t you call, marriage, visiting aunties and uncles etc will make me wish I had planned a shorter holiday.
My job
This year at the time I get my annual hike, phrases like cost cutting, recession, credit crisis will translate into a lousy hike.
My country
This year I know that yet again terrorism, vote-bank politics and financial fiascos will dominate everything else and make me less proud of my country.
My friends
This year I will lose touch with a few more friends as different strings will pull them away from me.
That I look forward to are ….
My birthday
This year like any other I become a year older clocking in at 27 and I am guiltily thankful for that after a year when terrorists visited almost every part of the country.
My family
This year, when I holiday at home, the rheotoric of why aren’t you saving more, you are still so thin, why don’t you call, marriage, visiting aunties and uncles etc will tell me that no matter what, they will always care.
My job
This year at the time I get my annual hike, phrases like cost cutting, recession, credit crisis will translate into lucky to still have a job.
My country
This year I know that despite terrorism, vote-bank politics and financial fiascos the ‘aam aadmis’ voice is growing louder as people rally under the tricolor.
My friends
This year despite losing touch with a few more friends as different strings will pull them away from me, some of them keep in touch via this blog.
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