You've Got Spam

I find it simply amazing how much my spam account knows about me – and I’m not talking trivia here. It’s personal stuff – bed room stuff even. It almost seems like I’m the most well-known, or rather most well-known-about person in cyberspace judging from the mails I get.

It started with a suggestively named female blondebitchsuck telling me that I owe her lunch “for this one.” I confess it piqued my curiosity and I wanted to know what I owe her lunch for then realized it was pretty obvious.

Then I got a mail from Rodriquez. I was tempted to open this one since my family on my mother’s side is named Rodrigues. I thought perhaps someone misspelled their name. And it seemed innocuous enough since it said “All w.e. can do is report_t he_findings.” I thought it must be some old forgotten relative who was talking about some ancestral property with me standing to gain a fortune.

The next mail cleared all doubts about the findings.

“what a stupid face you have here sa5ioh,” Des ganpath announced. That was one finding that was not needed to be made known – true or not.

Then along came a mail from Melany that cheered me up. “These girlies are waiting for you,” she declared. I had no clue which girlies but since my ‘stupid face’ was pretty well publicized by now, any girlie who was waiting for me was fine by me. I was not going to be picky. On top of that “Are you an Alpha Male?” Trimmel challenged.

Hell Yeah! Bring it on I said.

Then came the caveat – I found out that a stupid face was the least of my problems. There existed a serious chance that my lineage would end with me; that I would be the last of my kin; that my family tree was going to be uprooted because of my stump.

Luckily I was not the only one concerned. A lot of concern was floating around in cyberspace also. I got a lot of mails sympathizing with me and advising me what to do.

sm wrote, “I hope this will help you solve all problems with health!”
Levitar Vaigra helpfully said, “sa5ioh’s – we can ship your medication overnight FREE.”
“3 month supply of better intimate life is waiting for you” said Benedettasei sounding more hopeful than I felt. But that cheered me up.

The best mail was from holzmeister who solemnly promised, “You wont disappoint ehr this night.”

No further questions – that was the mail I was searching for.

Short & Sweet?

Six degrees of separation. Or was it seven? Anyway a smaller world … with a shorter temper … and a whole new short form lingo. This blog was prompted by a friend who had a funny experience. He works for HP and was talking to a prospective landlord:

Landlord: Where do you work?
My friend: HP
Landlord: Oh nice, my son works there.
My friend: (In the hope of a discount on the deposit) Really? I just joined.
Landlord: Good good. Hope you people can do something about petrol prices.
My friend: Umm … Hmm … (Trying very hard to make the link)
Landlord: Where did you get your degree?
My friend: Blah Blah Institute of Technolgy.
Landlord: What do they teach you about oil there?
My friend: (thinking the house might not be worth it) Nothing.
Landlord: Then how did you get into HP.
My friend: (Blink Blink) I work for Hewlett Packard, not Hindustan Petroleum.

The point is that acronyms have become part of standard conversation and their usage has been boosted by SMS lingo – BRB, TTYL, BFN and other such short-forms that are harder to crack than hieroglyphics.

Names of companies: Understandably, Johnson & Johnson is JNJ and Bharat Heavy Electricals is BHEL, but Infosys to Infy?

Names of people: Leaves me wondering why parents bother with names at all when I hear the likes of SRK, JLo, Bebo, Chi Chi and K-Fed to name a few.

But when I hear objects being abbreviated, I lose all hope for the language - CalC, Ciggy, Undie, Mobike.

Do people not have time to finish a word, leave alone a sentence?
Maybe you don’t have time to finish reading this post.
Maybe it is all a bunch of BS anyway.