Of 10-packs and the after-effects

A joke I read some time back was: Who left 6-pack Shah Rukh and 8-pack Aamir in the dust?
Ans: A 10-pack Ramadoss.

It's been 4 months since the ban on smoking in public places. So what did the ban achieve? Let’s do a ten count, shall we?

1 – Attached Gandhi’s name to tobacco. So years down the line, a ‘This Day That Year’ column will read – Gandhi born, Smoking banned.

2 – Ensured that the names Anbumani and Ramadoss would die with him. No sane parent of our generation would ever name their kid that. You don’t find little Satans and Hitlers running around, do you?

3 – Caused bars to lose revenue. No, I don’t mean because of a lower footfall, but due to smart alecks who step outside after a few drinks on the pretext of a smoke and then vanish even before the wisp of smoke fades away.

4 – Getting policemen to be lax. Not that they were the epitome of alertness in the first place, but now with the hordes of people haunting the gates of buildings, now they are content to rock themselves to sleep on their paunches.

5 – Vindicated weathermen … or so it seems. Weathermen, famous for getting a prediction on their own spittle wrong, now boldly announce ‘tomorrow there will be a lot of smog’ and then … smoke, fog same thing.

6 – Population control. With smokers chasing pavements, pedestrians naturally avoid the ‘fog’ (weathermen are to be blamed here) and go on the roads. And the cars and trucks happily play target practice.

7 – Made dogs insomniacs. Pavement smoking leads to coffee-cups being dumped on streets and strays happily lap up the remaining drop. A few 20-30 such cups through the day turbo-charges them for the night. And god knows what horrors graveyard shifters are subject to by these werewolves, especially in Bangalore.

8 – Led to the ruination of about 0.1 percent of the Amazon forests. Every pub, bar, office, restaurant, mall, and hitherto smoker-friendly zones has huge “NO SMOKING” signs…about 10 every 2 inches.

9 - Free Cigarette Advertising. It beats me why tobacco companies are banned from advertising. Cigarette packets that were till now sent to dustbins now litter the pavements. The eyeballs that the millions of packets get on the road are much more than even the most famous ad. So no wonder the number of surrogate ads are dying.

10 – Laid to rest the smokers anthem. On the last day before the ban, a popular Bangalore pub announced that that would be the last time they played ‘Sutta Na Mila’ by The Zeest. And just like that a cult song lost its meaning.

Oops! my packet is over. I'm off to get another one.


amitha said...

hilarious stuff! love 1,2 and 7..

THUDL said...

well i must try smoking! A blog post per pack is a sound bargain! Another dart that has hit the bulls eye! great going!

Ace of Spades said...

@amitha - i am personal witness to point 7 everyday outside office :)

@THUDL - you dont need to smoke for your moments of S.H.I.T. you are doing just fine :)

Shuv said...

haha! good stuff! but cant resist the dampner though! rama fuckin doss made me quit..when the hassle became so much that my ego rebelled..

and its been 4 mnths now...

Ace of Spades said...

@shuv - he did succeed in some ways, din't he?

Nimbupaani said...

As someone living in 'equally-strict-about-smoking' Singapore, I feel your pain! Love this post, especially 6 and 7 and am as saddened about 10.

Came by your blog while blog-hopping. Very Very neat writing! I think I'll be a regular!

S said...

you are mad! and i love this post!! :D

by the way, i heard, "sheesha" in calcutta did the same thing, i.e. played "sutta" for the last time on the day before the ban. sad.

Nimbupaani said...

Dropped by your blog aftr a really long while. And I was pretty sure I would have something new to read about. But...
I am still reeling with the diappointment.
"Plisse to be obliging, Mr-Sir! Many thanks!"- The girl with lots of nimbus and no paani!

SS said...

Your Point of View seemed so delectable, I have added you onto POLISHEDCRAP - my blogroll!

I sometimes wish I paid so much attention to my blog :)

Salil said...

Hi Ace,
Good list and great imagination there.
Keep smoking, sorry I meant, blogging.

ghetufool said...

looks like you won't proceed further without my comments. so here it is. now post something new.

Antarman said...

NICE POST:)..BTW I cant stand the passive smoke and find this ban very useful in India, In Europe its a real headache , they smoke like chimney and one cant avoid it.

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